shannanigans if you pull my card, you pull the ace, and if you ask me turn UP the bass

what i realized about blogging

i don’t update this thing a lot. alot? or was that the no-no….

anyway, what i realized is not that i don’t update a lot, but that i have not very much to say. that is why, well, i do not say it. the reason for this is that this blog is about nothing. i thought it was going to be about work but it is not. then i thought it would just be about musings, but we all know where that has led me…..to very sparse updates.

so, i’m deciding to give this blog a direction. what direction? i do not know yet. i don’t think i’d like to write about my life because that is dull. i don’t think i’d like to write about celebrity pop culture because i’d rather read it, that stuff is a lot of work. the other thing i realized is that if you’re going to blog you have to do it almost every day. so, i have to think about something that i can easily write about everyday, but what IS that thing?

i am going to think on this, then i will hit you back with something i can handle.

i hope not sporadically.

just for jess

well.

it has been a while. i wanted to write something some time ago but i forgot what it was. however, today i remembered it!

i was thinking about the song YMCA by the village people. you know that 70’s hit with the fun letters dance to go along with it? i was thinking how sometimes it’s really crappy because you HAVE to do the dance whenever the song comes on.

it’s like, say you’re dancing at a party or something and the song comes on. everyone gets really excited at first, especially for the first chorus and is really into the dance. you’re jumping up and down and shouting whhhyyy em seeaaay! in addition to doing the standard arm movements creating each letter you spell. unfortunately, the song does the chorus quite a bit. it’s very hard because everyone is doing the chorus and if you don’t do the chorus you look like a douche who doesn’t know how to spell with their arms or like you don’t know the song very well. i just think that that song is a horrible dance trap.

in other areas of interest (or non-interest) i ate in chinatown with kathy tonight. the table next to us was very humorous to listen to, they were just sort of THOSE kind of people in a chinese restaurant. anyway, at the end of their meal they got the check and the guy said out loud “i’m just checkin’ the math here” and proceeded to add up the bill half aloud to himself. then i had a thought. isn’t it funny how chinese kids are so good at math and all, but the second people get a bill at a chinese restaurant it’s kind of suspicious and the first thing they do is add it all up to see if it checks out? well, it was funny for me.

why is everyone pregnant?

another day, another sketch

click for bigger, the little doodle in the corner is just a silly play on words in different languages. the chinese means ocean/sea and it’s spelt ‘hai’, so with the ‘r’ coming off…yeah you get it.

done at a coffee shop after school, just hanging out. i think i’d forgotten for a while about drawing. it’s nice to just sit and let my mind wander.

more print sketchez

just a couple things i did when i was waiting for kathy to switch out her laundry business. don’t be surprised if your face pops up in a future print. i have lots of photo inspiration from over the years.

anyway, no solid plans or color specs yet but yeah. just thought i’d post ‘em up.

musings

well, it’s been a while since i’ve written anyhting. just some quick things i thought about. upcoming print in the works, just did a little sketch for a new silkscreen project at murray’s bagels today. pretty simple, but i’m thinking with millions of colors it could be awesome. ignore the top bits, they were something else.

anyway, yeah i haven’t really thought it out, but for starters. i’ll probably post progress. if i think of it.

also, is it just me or is fergie’s new single/video just about perfectly done? i mean, usually i’m a fergie hater (except how i love her trashy songs)…. and usually in videos she looks like a man. kind of like that man who turned himself into a cat. you know.

i know you know what i mean.

anyway, i just watched her video for ‘clumsy’ and i have to admit, it’s absolutely cute. she doesn’t look like a man and i love the motion graphics on that thing. not the most original concept or anything, but i think as a whole it’s just very well done. it ain’t no umbarullah hit, but it’s very complete in its goodness. if that makes any kind of sense. the song itself is catchy and i don’t think she spells any words in it. which is a little disappointing for me, but i’ll live.

point being, it sure p-w-n-zees ‘gimme more’. what happened there, man? it coulda been something, but it wasn’t. i mean i see why the song is a club hit, but the video tanked. sad. you know how people say watching lindsay lohan is like watching a train wreck and you just can’t look away? britney spears is more like watching someone go bungee jumping but they totally haven’t secured the rope to anything but you’re too far away to say anything. you want to signal to them and help tie it to the bridge or whatever they’re jumping off of, but you’re on the next bridge over and all you can do is go “ohhhh…..” and watch them prepare to jump.

sad.

anyway. if you have that fergie song send it to me.

ummm, hello?

i just watched the season premier of csi. it was awful. the case was a continuation from the cliff-hanger from last season involving one of the csi trapped under a car in the middle of the desert. she ends up freeing herself then proceeds to wander the desert making it even harder for people to find her.

what. an. idiot.

why don’t people know basic desert safety? it’s common sense! she lives in las vegas! you should know about desert safety in las vegas! you’re a police person! learn desert safety!

1. if you’re trapped under a red car in the middle of nowhere, DO NOT LEAVE IT. obviously since you are part of a law enforcement type team people will look for you when they find out you are missing. do you think they are more likely to find a stationary red car in the middle of the desert or a single person wandering around aimlessly? that’s like the absolute first rule of being lost!!

2. if it is raining/pouring at night, COLLECT WATER. you will probably need it the next day.

3. if you are near or under a wrecked car, SALVAGE IT. maybe you can find things to COLLECT WATER in. don’t just take a single mirror and start walking, dumbass.

4. STAY NEAR THE CAR. it’s completely good shelter, you can hide under it to escape the heat during the day and animals at night, plus it’s big and random so people will see it from a helicopter (see 1)

5. if you do decide to go walking ONLY TRAVEL AT NIGHT. why do you keep walking in the 110 degree weather? hellooooooo. travel at night and when dawn starts to break dig yourself a hole to rest in during the day.

also, why didn’t she try to loosen her arm earlier, when it wasn’t flooding? is she stupid or something?

yes.

yes she is.

i am so mad and no one will understand unless they have seen the show which i don’t think anyone will.

learn desert safety!

do you ever get that feeling….

so, for my silkscreening class, we need baking spatulas to mix and spread the ink. they’re sort of long thin metal spatulas with wooden handles. the kind you use to spread icing on a cake. you’d think they’d have them everywhere in the city. but they don’t. i thought maybe since that’s the tool most silkscreeners use for ink, they’d have them at pearl, the art supply store that’s 6 stories tall.

anyway, i walk into pearl and i’m looking at all the palette knives which are essentially the same thing but smaller. the helper man comes up to me and asks if i need help.

me: yes, i’m looking for a really large palette knife with a blade that’s around 6-8 inches long. it looks sort of like this one (i gesture to a knife) but it’s a lot bigger.
him: hmmmmm (is scrutinizing the selection)
me: yeah, so do you have anything that size?
him: 6-8 inches you said?
me: yes, in this shape (i gesture again)
him: mmmmmmm (makes swirling magician like motions with his hand) ahhh! heeeeere you go! (picks up random knife nothing like what i described and hands it to me) this is it. this is what you’re looking for.
me: um…..thanks.

then i just stand there holding the wrong knife in my hand which i slowly put back as soon as he’s walked away. what does he think? i mean i don’t ask for help unless i can’t do it myself and it’s not like i hadn’t totally searched the same exact wall. were you even listening? if you don’t have it, just say you don’t have it. geeze. i swear, it’s like do you know what i’m talking about? do you? you know what i’m talking about. yeah. noooo. you don’t know what i’m talking about.

beh. this is what you get on a rainy saturday.

funny thing today

from imdb news:

Reality TV star Paris Hilton is suing a card company for allegedly using her likeness and trademarked ‘That’s hot’ phrase without permission. The hotel heiress filed her lawsuit against Hallmark Cards in Los Angeles’ Federal District Court on Thursday, citing invasion of privacy and misappropriating her image. She is seeking more than $500,000 in damages and a permanent injunction preventing Hallmark from further using her name and likeness. According to the lawsuit, Hallmark’s card features Hilton’s face superimposed on top of a cartoon waitress serving food. The catchphrase reads: “Don’t touch that, it’s hot. What’s hot? That’s hot.”

heeeee could not stop laughing.

open letters to everyone

dear ikea,

why?

i thought we had something. something special, cheap, but special all the same. i don’t know. i thought a lot of things. i guess i was wrong. why you go and do me like that? it hurts my feelings when you won’t deliver everything you say you will. and then you never call when you say you will. it’s all lies.

i don’t believe anything you tell me anymore. like when you say to hammer 50 nails into the back of a wardrobe, i know you really just mean 15. and when you say hammer, i know you really mean use the back of the screwdriver, and when you say 18 pegs, why do i only use 16? i wish you’d label things for me. i wish you’d use a little more color in your instructions. at least shades of grey. i wish you’d color the one tiny tool you need for everything bright red. but at the same time, i know you’ll never change. like, i could ask you over and over to put more words in your instructions, but you won’t. you’ll still leave it all illustrations and the only word is “click” that’s supposed to happen when you turn the screw but it never happened for me. why did you write it if it never happens?

these are my questions. i don’t know how long our relationship is going to last. maybe it will go on for a while because you’re a default, but i don’t think it’s ever going to be the same. i would say i’m sorry, but i know you’re not, so i’m not.

keep your stupid meatballs.
shannon

p.s. see you tomorrow.

dear wholefoods,

this is good. you’re so nice to me, i really appreciate it. all the free internet and ac is great. i just wish your prices were cheaper. then i wouldn’t always be trapped here because of my internet addiction going hungry because you charge $5 for two pieces of sushi. you say “don’t forget to try the miso soup” and i wouldn’t, except i know it will cost me four of my fingers and an eye. i like all of those body parts so i won’t be trying the miso soup.

thanks,
shannon

dear apple,

i don’t….i cant’….i…..that was low. that hurt me. right here. if you can’t see where i’m pointing, it’s my heart. and it’s the inside of my heart you know. not the fatty outside. that’s where mayonnaise hurts me.

ouch,
shannon

never going into advertising.

so there i am, watching my big fat greek wedding. on abc family. commercial break. then they play an airwick commercial. you know, the animated ones with animals in domestic home situations?

okay. those piss. me. off.

first of all. okay i can’t even. so, the first one was with the elephant (i think she has an english accent too, what is THAT about?). i’m sure you’ve seen it. she’s cleaning the house and i dunno something about smells. then, end of commercial, cut to how she’s married to a centipede. wtf people. elephant….married to……centipede. who was on crack when they made this piece of crap? can you imagine the meeting they had about this?

okay, quick tangent. there was just a commercial on for a new little kid’s disney dvd called “handy manny: tooling around”. i’m not lying. um, porno title cast off much?

back to the elephant and her centipede husband. anyway, one of my most hated commercials. then, tonight, there’s another one on. it’s got a giraffe and a warthog. seriously. who makes this shit up? and they have kids! what’s upsetting is that the kids don’t look like giraffe/warthog mixes, they just look like warthogs, that makes me mad because if you’re going to go as far as mixing species up, you might as well mix them up. come on. it’s like if you’re going to do something crazy, then do it so that the logic follows the craziness, please or don’t do it at all. now that i think about it, there’s another commercial out there with an octopus in it but i can’t remember who the husband is. anyway, the thing i hate about these commercials is that they don’t even know how they’re messing with me.

i mean, if you hand me an insane idea like this, my brain is honestly going to run away with it. that’s what kind of brain i have. they just don’t seem to understand how after the elephant/centipede commercial ends, my mind is still trying to digest it, 10 minutes later i’m all “so is the centipede the same SIZE as the elephant? is he like a giant centipede? how does he fit in their house? or is she like a miniature elephant? they must be a similar size because the shoes in the end of the commercial are proportional to her body. but then, his body is really long, so how does the bed situation work? how does the OTHER bed situation wor—uh. waaaiiit, don’t wanna think about that one.” well, THEN i stop thinking about it. yeesh.

well now that i wrote it i CAN’T stop thinking about it.
bleh. shudders all around.
aaannnnnnd ending here.

omg.
what the shit. i just saw another one. with a chameleon. no logistics to wonder about here but let me just say that was THE scariest looking animated chameleon i’ve ever seen. something about the eyes….and the eyelashes…..and the mitten-like hands holding the air freshener.